In fact, she has decided to rename herself-Grandemere. Truly, we thought it was a bit of a joke, but apparently not. Every message she leaves for me-"Hello dear, it is Grandemere."
She is truly meaning it.
My cousin Mary Kate got a little ill over the whole thing declaring that Granny CANNOT after this many years decide to rename herself. Her name is Granny. Period.
She will leave the funniest messages, and you always know that it is her when there is a hangup on the answering machine because her tv is at an ungodly decibel and you can hear it in the background before the hangup.
The other day she calls and is asking me about a playpen. She says that she has heard that play pens are not used these days-they call them something else.
I tell her that they sell play yards and pack-n-plays, and she laughs and says that she wants to get one for us. She hears that they sell them at Babies R Us.
I told her that I would love to go look at some with her. She says that she knows there is a Babies R Us nearby, but she cannot remember where.
This is the rest of the conversation:
Me: "It is over by Home Depot." Granny: "Yes, I can never remember the name of Home Depot." Me: "It is right over there, and we can go look together." Granny: "What do they call people who eat other people?" Me: hysterical laughter, dropped the phone. Me: picking the phone back up, "WHAT?!? Cannibals?" Granny: "Yes-that's it." Me: "Why on earth did you ask that?" Granny: "I just couldn't sleep last night trying to remember the term they use for people who eat other people. It kept me up."
I had to let her go at this point. I was still losing it with laughter.
Seriously-Home Depot to Cannibals? You never know where your conversation will go with Grandemere.
First of all, dearest hubby calls me during lunch to see how my day is. Now, this is not unusual. He tells me that he has been researching the Radio Flyer wagons. See, he has a vision in his head about toting HK and her cousin around on Halloween in a Radio Flyer. Great idea, but, have you seen the prices on these things? Yep-expensive.
So, I say, "Dear, that is a great idea, but it is big-where are you going to store it?" This is my first line of defense because our lack of garage space is ALWAYS an issue. His response you ask? "You're right." WHAT!?!? Seriously, he always argues when I seem to tell him no. OK-that should have been clue #1.
Clue #2...Hubby comes home and I have unloaded my car from my day at work. Then I realize that I have left my laptop in the trunk. I mentioned something about how I had left it in the car, and Justin says that he can get it for me. I tell him not to worry about it. He gets up off of the couch from watching TV, and he goes and gets the laptop out of the trunk-without me asking, or yelling, or telling him 15 times. Uh huh.
Then he drops the bomb-see, his cell phone's battery is done. I mean-the thing will not hold a charge for more than an hour. So, I tell him that he should go and get a new battery. He looks into it and the battery costs around $100. So, he tells me that he is going to go ahead and get his Christmas present early and that he wants to order a new phone.
I tell him that I am NOT his mother and that he needs to make his own decision regarding ordering a phone he DOES NOT NEED when he can just get a new battery. Now keep in mind that the only reason he instigates this conversation with me is because I pay the bills. Otherwise, this would not be happening.
Clearly, he makes the wrong decision and orders the new phone. WHICH he tells me costs around $250. So, I get an alert on email regarding the new purchase to our Sprint account for $500. YES-$500. He tells me that there is a mail in rebate and that he is selling his old phone-so when you take all of that into consideration, it will bring the cost down to around $300.
He proceeds to plant himself back on the couch for tv time, and he says to me, "Thank you." I said, "For what?" He says, "For letting me get the phone."
Now-we are at a crossroads. As I told him, I am not your mother-I left the decision up to you. He says, "Yea, I know. But thank you."
Geez-talk about making a girl feel badly.
So, after tracking every second of shipping movement, the phone has arrived. It better last 10 years. On second thought, maybe if I let him get a phone every year, I will get a day of helpfulness out of it??
It's just me-and all of my idiosyncrasies. I work full time, I am married, and I love my dog. We just adopted a baby girl. I am completely contradictory, I am a girlie girl, and I am impatient. I like breakfast for dinner. I like apples and peanut butter. I like wine. I like entertaining. I like sleeping. I like labels and I can be a b-with an-itch when I want to be or am pushed. I want to give my baby every opportunity in the world, and I want to teach her values and the rewards of hard work. I want more children and am scared to death of the uncertainties of adoption even though I have already done it. I love my husband. I hate that I weigh the most I ever have in my whole life. I want my husband to make a zillion dollars a year, and I want him to put up his laundry and clothes when I ask. I want what most people want-and here is my story-day by day!