Yesterday was one of those weird days. It was rainy and cold and it all made me want to curl up in my bed and do nothing. However, that is not possible since I have these responsibilities in life called a job, wifehood, and mommyhood. So, I put on my big girl panties and ventured out to sell soups.
I was working with a distributor foodservice rep. We were in an account, and I found myself looking at these people thinking, "Is this converstation really happening?" I was listening to a bunch of Northerners talk about what great deer jerkey they make. Really? "Oh yes," says one. "Stanley makes the best deer jerky. But, the deer down here taste different. You all don't let 'em get fattened up at all. If there is a deer standing there in front of you, you just shoot it. They taste like they are not quite done, or inbred, or something." I swear to the good Lord above, I witnessed this conversation with a Yankee as the speaker.
After my lesson in deer jerkey, I finally made it home and gave HK her bath before bed. She is pulling up on everything, but last night, she decided that she wanted to pull up on the side of the bath tub and stand. "No no," I kept telling her. She would smile and then do it again. I kept on, "no no, HK." I yelled down to Justin that his little girl was about to get in trouble. He comes to assist. He swats her hand as she reaches up to grab the handle to help her stand up. She sort of squwaks at him, and she keeps on trying.
I am trying to distract her and am realizing that we are at a crossroads here. It is one of the first times we have really been telling her not to do something. She is obviously willfull, as she keeps on and on and on again trying to stand up. I know that I cannot give in and have to keep being stern and consistent. She has to learn that there are boundaries and I am the boss.
Justin steps back and I put my hands on her face (you know, getting down to her level and all-very supernanny like of me), and tell her, "No no, HK" very firmly, and without a hint of a smile.
Little miss looks at me, and she starts belly laughing. Truly. I look at Justin, and he just lifts his eyebrows and looks at me-he is testing me and waiting to see what I do. I just looked at him-I have to say that I was most distraught over her reaction. I said to Justin, "I am mean and scary firm mommy, not funny mommy." And what did he do? He started laughing. I mean, come on people. I can be intimidating.
So, he leaves, and I got HK out of the bath. I am pretty certain that she did not learn a lesson from this at all.
I on the other hand learned that I need to practice my serious, stern face.
And, maybe stay in bed on days like this from now on and chew on some jerky.
Fall is here, and with it brings lots of busy days for us. We just successfully finished HK's first Halloween-with a costume party and some trick or treating.
We are gearing up for Christmas and HK's first birthday (can you believe it?!?)
And, we are beginning the adoption process-again.
And this time, it is just scarier and just all together WORSE. All of those same emotions are already beginning-the ones where you want to scream to the hills that it is just not fair, why do we have to be put under the microscope again, why do we have to pay more and more and more money for the same things that we just did a year and a half ago? Why do we have to get bank loans in order to afford a child-and not just the baby's education or super sweet sixteen party (yes, that is a joke), but we have to get loans to JUST GET THE BABY.
And it is scarier this time because I feel like we might have had "beginner's luck" the first go around. It seems like everything worked out just perfectly. And apparently that is rare. And I only think it is rare because after you tell people you have adopted, everyone has a horror story about a friend of a friend and her adoption and how it went horribly and everything fell apart-blah, blah, blah. Seriously, why do people do that?
So, it has made me think that you are most likely at some point going to have a botched adoption or at least a difficult one. And since I now want 4 kids, I guess I will have to buckle up. And get a helmet. And pray. And win the lottery. But, I get to be a mom, again.
It's just me-and all of my idiosyncrasies. I work full time, I am married, and I love my dog. We just adopted a baby girl. I am completely contradictory, I am a girlie girl, and I am impatient. I like breakfast for dinner. I like apples and peanut butter. I like wine. I like entertaining. I like sleeping. I like labels and I can be a b-with an-itch when I want to be or am pushed. I want to give my baby every opportunity in the world, and I want to teach her values and the rewards of hard work. I want more children and am scared to death of the uncertainties of adoption even though I have already done it. I love my husband. I hate that I weigh the most I ever have in my whole life. I want my husband to make a zillion dollars a year, and I want him to put up his laundry and clothes when I ask. I want what most people want-and here is my story-day by day!