We are still here in Texas. I have been so completely overwhelmed by the phone calls, emails, facebook and website postings...I am so lucky to have such caring friends and family.
A friend of mine from high school recently emailed me regarding the name of my blog. She had such a good perspective on the name of it, I just had to share it with you. She wrote, "two things your blog title immediately made me think of: God love "her": your daughter's birth mom who made such an unselfish and tough decision and God love "her": your beautiful daughter." It is so weird the way things work-because she is exactly right! (thank you Jaime for your insightfulness!) It is weird because I named my blog God Love Her because I say it all of the time without realizing how fitting it is to my life and situation.
Well, the birth mom signed the papers today-I cannot even begin to tell you all of the conflicting feelings that go with this moment. Pure joy, but the greatest sorrow I think I have ever felt in my whole entire life. I looked at these two selfless, incredible individuals who had the most beautiful baby in the whole world, and I just wanted to cry and throw the baby in their arms and tell them that it was theirs. The birth father hugged me and told me to take good care of her. The birth mother told me to enjoy my new daughter...I just kept thinking, "I am taking their first daughter from them." The pain in their eyes was so deep.
I know that I am not taking her. I know that this is rightfully how God meant for it to be. The birth father said, "I do not want to do this, but I will do this. Taking the baby home would short change everyone in our lives-our other children, us and her. We will have our own daughter one day, but she is your daughter. We picked you because we know you can give her everything." Can you even imagine?
As we walked to get something to eat after the papers were finally signed, we spotted the birth parents through the window from the 4th floor making their way to their car in the parking lot below. The birth father put mom's overnight bag in the truck, they got into the car and they left. And it was over-they came in with a baby to deliver and left without a child. However, they left knowing that their decision was the right one, and that their baby girl was now someone else's world, miracle, and life.
I am amazed by people all of the time. I like to say that people don't surprise me-like I am a goddess of instinct and can fairly accurately size up people. Well, I have found that people do amaze me. I am amazed at these two people's courage and strength. I am amazed at their unselfish act. I am amazed with my new daughter. I am amazed already with her strength. I am amazed, I am amazed, I am amazed....
I think I am also having some post partum (can I even do that) because I know that this post was a true downer! But, I don't mean to depress-it is just that this time has been so special and sacred on so many levels. To share it otherwise would almost be sacrilegious.
So, I hope next time to have some funny stories and updates for you on this new chapter in our lives. I am sure that this is going to be the most excellent of adventures!
5 hours ago