In the olden days of adoption, adoptive parents sent letters and pictures via the adoption agency to the birth parents a few times a year. Our agreement with the birth parents was to set up a private website where notes and pictures can be exchanged. I wanted the birth parents to be able to see HK when they felt like they needed to.
When we first started the adoption process, both Justin and I agreed that we wanted little contact with the birth parents after the adoption. I did not want to share- we were taking the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes with parenthood. I did not think it was fair for them to get the good without the rest. Our case worker told us that all adoptive families come into the process feeling that way, and most change their perspective once they adopt. "Not I," I said.
I regress. I eat my words. Now, I do not want a relationship where the birth parents become aunt so and so and uncle yadayada and come to birthday parties. But, I want these people to know that the child they physically and biologically created is all right. I don't want them to worry. From one meeting, I began to truly care about these people-I want them to be all right.
On our website, HK'sbirthmom recently left a sweet note. She told us that she knows she could not have chosen a more loving family. She knows that we are her parents and that this is how God meant for it to be. She admitted that some days are harder than others, and she looks at the pictures of HK for comfort. I love that I can help her, and in a way, hearing her comments helps me. Even for me as the adoptive parent, there has been a "coming to terms" period.
HK is beginning to feel like mine. She is beginning to truly be a part of my heart-actually, she snuck in and became a part of it. I looked at her today, and I knew it was different because I did not think about "adoption" at all. I looked at MY daughter. I have loved her since I laid eyes on her, but the course we took to get her and all involved cannot be easily forgotten. As much as you want to minimize it and just bask in the happiness of being a new mom to a healthy, beautiful baby, there are just other emotions. Heart heavy emotions. They are starting to lift-I noticed it more today in fact. I am a lot less heart heavy. I am grateful. I am happy. I am a MOM!!
It's just me-and all of my idiosyncrasies. I work full time, I am married, and I love my dog. We just adopted a baby girl. I am completely contradictory, I am a girlie girl, and I am impatient. I like breakfast for dinner. I like apples and peanut butter. I like wine. I like entertaining. I like sleeping. I like labels and I can be a b-with an-itch when I want to be or am pushed. I want to give my baby every opportunity in the world, and I want to teach her values and the rewards of hard work. I want more children and am scared to death of the uncertainties of adoption even though I have already done it. I love my husband. I hate that I weigh the most I ever have in my whole life. I want my husband to make a zillion dollars a year, and I want him to put up his laundry and clothes when I ask. I want what most people want-and here is my story-day by day!