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Friday, November 19, 2010

And so it goes...

So, today I "miscarried."

And, I am angry. I expected to be sad, upset, frustrated-but I did not expect to be so MAD.

The birth mom and dad decided to try parenting. They have been living in housing provided by the adoption agency, and they have been receiving counseling. So, I feel that they did not take their decision lightly. I, however, feel a little taken for a ride. The birth parents do not have jobs or a home. They do not have a car. But, they will have a baby.

I feel silly-silly for buying some new baby clothes and silly for the Christmas presents for the new baby in the closet upstairs. I feel silly because I had my mom buy me a Boppy newborn lounger, and even sillier that I actually started packing a bag for the new baby for our trip to Utah to pick her up.

I know it is normal to have mixed emotions-but it is so strange to feel such a sense of loss over someone who was never yours-someone you never had a relationship with.

Yes-this too shall pass. In the meantime, this just sucks.

2 comments:

  1. I am heartsick for you and for the baby. I know how excited you both were and there are no words I can find to comfort you or lessen the loss you feel.I do however want you to understand that the emotions you are feeling are not silly but under the circumstances more than normal.Yes, you should be feeling a profound sense of loss because in your heart you already knew this baby and she was yours, but you are correct,this sense of loss will pass and your next baby will find you and fill your hearts with the same love you found with HK. I love you and am so very proud of you always.

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  2. SO sorry to hear Elizabeth! You have every right to feel sad, angry and very upset at the loss. All I can say is that you all are in our thoughts and praying for you during this time of loss.

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