And, I am angry. I expected to be sad, upset, frustrated-but I did not expect to be so MAD.
The birth mom and dad decided to try parenting. They have been living in housing provided by the adoption agency, and they have been receiving counseling. So, I feel that they did not take their decision lightly. I, however, feel a little taken for a ride. The birth parents do not have jobs or a home. They do not have a car. But, they will have a baby.
I feel silly-silly for buying some new baby clothes and silly for the Christmas presents for the new baby in the closet upstairs. I feel silly because I had my mom buy me a Boppy newborn lounger, and even sillier that I actually started packing a bag for the new baby for our trip to Utah to pick her up.
I know it is normal to have mixed emotions-but it is so strange to feel such a sense of loss over someone who was never yours-someone you never had a relationship with.
Yes-this too shall pass. In the meantime, this just sucks.
It's just me-and all of my idiosyncrasies. I work full time, I am married, and I love my dog. We just adopted a baby girl. I am completely contradictory, I am a girlie girl, and I am impatient. I like breakfast for dinner. I like apples and peanut butter. I like wine. I like entertaining. I like sleeping. I like labels and I can be a b-with an-itch when I want to be or am pushed. I want to give my baby every opportunity in the world, and I want to teach her values and the rewards of hard work. I want more children and am scared to death of the uncertainties of adoption even though I have already done it. I love my husband. I hate that I weigh the most I ever have in my whole life. I want my husband to make a zillion dollars a year, and I want him to put up his laundry and clothes when I ask. I want what most people want-and here is my story-day by day!